A note from lady in apt 6

You weren’t supposed to know it!

What? What did you say?

I was told no one would know about it. No one was supposed to know about it, especially you.

What the hell are you talking about? Who told you?

“He had promised me no one will ever know” he was turning paler. I was already shocked knowing about his past. And now this stupid reason. I was losing patience with him. I had thought I would try to handle the situation maturely. But I was running out of patience now.

I shouted at him “Who is he? Whom are you talking about?”

I could see tears into his eyes. Obviously he was ashamed of his past. But being his girlfriend I had every right in the world to know everything about him. He should have been truthful to me. “I do not want to blow this out of proportion. Just accept you did a mistake and let’s talk it over.”

I was not supposed to talk about it. No one was supposed to tell you. Why did He do this to me?

“You are not listening to me Manish. You are not listening. I accept I am little sad now. But isn’t it expected? I am trying my best to not get angry but you are not listening to me. Who is he?” I told, as he would say, putting double quotes around “he” with my hands to stress upon it. I loved him. He was a nice guy. He always had been there for me. I didn’t want to lose him. I agree the things that I recently discovered about what he did in past were horrible. He should have avoided those. But don’t we all have weaknesses? Don’t we all commit mistakes in life? And if we can, we try to just hide them and remain good people in eyes of society. But his all “he” thing was making me crazy.

You won’t trust me if I tell you about Him. I know you won’t. You would think I am just making excuses.

“You are thinking??” I told in a mocking tone. “You are thinking…why now? Why didn’t you think when you were committing all those crimes? Why weren’t you thinking when you were convincing me by your acts that you were the best guy I could have. Why weren’t you thinking when you were portraying you were a very good human? What had happened to you Manish? Why didn’t you ever tell me about yourself? As a matter of fact you never told me anything, neither then, or now.”

What you want to know? You know everything about me?

“SSSShut upppp.” I shouted. He became totally silent. “Just shut up.” A pause spread over us. I steadied myself and asked “Just tell me why you never shared about your past with me?

He was hardly audible now. Maybe he had got scared seeing my so angry. He kind of whispered “He told if I shared with you, you would leave me. Why would she stay with a criminal if she could get any guy she wants? That’s what he told me. I didn’t want to lose you. I love you.”

His eyes swelled with tears. Oh God, what have I done? He always told nothing can make him cry. I have seen him face all the difficulties with the same loner face of his. He seldom smiled, but he never cried. He truly loved me. I knew that when I came to live with him and I knew now. I felt guilty. I went behind him, put my fingers into his hair and said softly “I am sorry Manish. I didn’t want our discussion to turn into a fight. I was just…”

No it’s not a fight. I understand your anger. I totally do, trust me. I can never fight with you.

“Oh Manish!!” I was overwhelmed. I gently kissed his right ear. I was getting calm. “You should have trusted me darling. You should’ve have tried me out. You have been so good to me. I am sure I would have not let your past get between us. I love you.” I spoke softly into his ear.

My head was resting on his shoulder. He gently touched my hair. I noticed him trying to smile. “The memories of people I have wronged kept haunting me. I am already suffering the fruits of my crimes. I didn’t want to suffer more by losing you.” Oh poor dear. Now I know why he can’t smile so frequently. Memories, you can be so evil many times.

I was pitying the guy in front of me. Maybe this is what love does to you. You can forgive anything if you truly love the other person. Here was a person who committed heinous crimes, the crimes which only sickest of sick minded bastards would do. The things which normal people can’t even think about, this guy had done those. And still I was loving him. On the contrary I was loving him more.

What am I doing? I can’t be so harsh to a person. He told he is already suffering. Means he has already accepted he did mistakes. Accepting you’re wrong is a very important step in penance.

“You must be thinking I am a very cheap person”. My chain of thoughts was broken by his words. His tone was sad, very sad. I felt guilty for bringing up the topic.

It has been long time now since he passed away. But memories, as they say, can be your best friends. His memories are the best of friends I have now.

“No dear. You are truly the best person I have ever met. Everyone does mistakes. You too did. It’s humane. I pray to God to give peace to your soul. I hope you went to heaven. You suffered enough in your last days. May God have mercy on you and give you place in His heart. May the Almighty listen to my prayers and not make suffer anyone as much as you did. I would never ever forget you. You were love of my life and I desire to soon reunite with you. This world seems so uninteresting without you. You were a loner, but still its me now who is lonely without you. If I have ever done anything good to anyone, I pray Lord please

Sub-inspector Raghavendra Shukla finished reading the suicide note of the lady found dead in flat no. 6 in Mayur Colony. Everyone around in the Rohtak police station were in deep thoughts. The question in everyone’s minds was “What was the last unfinished sentence of the note was about? Was she going to ask God to forgive her long dead lover? Or was she going to ask to God to forgive her for committing the biggest sin of taking a life, her own? Or was she asking God to have some pity on her and reunite her with her lover?”

No one knew the answer for sure, and no one can ever know.